if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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