Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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