I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
