You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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