I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i've created a new STD.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
