just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
