Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
