if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My liver just broke up with me...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dick very happy bro
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
