Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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