Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
