i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
