So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.