whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
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At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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