she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
