real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
