So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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