So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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