Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
