Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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