i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
