Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
