I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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