I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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