I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize