how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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