I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
