who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
