just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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