went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
