If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
