i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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