why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
