having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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