so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
