There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
