Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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