Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
