its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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