so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
