I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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