He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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