so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
whose parrot is this?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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