Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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