you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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