Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
