i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I deserve this hangover.
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