Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
