Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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