I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
