quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
