She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
