Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize