I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
