Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
