Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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