Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
