I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if i died would you start the facebook group?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
