Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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