And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
