i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
