You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
